Experts have identified three essential roles that married people play in their relationship together: companion, advisor and care giver. Married people play these roles from the first day of their marriage, but as time goes by how they play these roles changes. And retirement often marks an unusually abrupt shift in those roles. Let's look at each role.

Companion. Husbands and wives always spend time together. It's what being married is about. And with retirement comes a lot more free time, and more hours to spend together. Just what any couple wants. Right?

Possibly, but maybe not. A sudden increase in the time you spend together can upset the delicate balance between togetherness and privacy. And in many marriages "absence makes the heart grow fonder" so spending many more hours together can lead to the unraveling of a previously stable relationship.

The key in planning for retirement is to plan for all possibilities. You should organize activities that you can do separately as well as activities that you can pursue as a couple. Early on you won't know how much time you will want to spend together. This will be especially true if in your marriage you have mostly spent days and nights together only while on vacation. You and your spouse should develop an understanding that there will be a balance between your private lives and your life together. Remember, communication is key!

Couples often begin developing a plan by focusing on activities they can do together inside their home, and activities they can share outside the home. For example, at home couples can enjoy sprucing up a home by painting, wall-papering or decorating. Couples who like to socialize can plan and throw parties. Couples with families can host their kids and grandkids. There is an even wider choice of things to do outside the home. Traveling is of course extremely popular (See the section devoted entirely to travel.) Closer to home couples play golf, tennis, croquet and other sports together, or take up a joint hobby. If couples need or want to earn an income, they can jointly own and operate a business.

Both of you of course will have other people in your life. In fact, in retirement planning who you do it with is just as important as what you do. Both of you will have to work to build friendships. You will share some of those relationships--with other couples, for example. And each of you will also develop your own personal set of friends--golf buddies, fellow gardeners and volunteers at the local soup kitchen. Some things won't change from the earlier days of your marriage--your spouse may not like all of your friends, and will probably tell you so. And of course, friends you develop of the opposite sex may always be suspect. Here again, communication is key as you debate over morning coffee the good and bad traits of the friends you played bridge with last night.

Adviser. While working many of us developed an informal board of advisers to help us with financial, career, and even health decisions. In retirement your spouse may assume a bigger role than she has in the past. After years of marriage no one knows you better than your spouse--your personality with all its foibles, your skills and experience, your strengths and weaknesses. If the two of you are not in the habit of advising each other, you might want to establish some ground rules and procedures. You might, for example, set aside some evening once a week where you dedicate yourself to discussing important matters.

Care-Taker. Besides being companions, couples take care of each other from the very first day of their marriage--remember the part about "in sickness and in health"? It might just involve running errands for each other or giving a sympathetic ear, and has always been done in a spirit of mutual cooperation and self-sacrifice. In some marriages of course the relationship will have been somewhat lopsided--when a non-working spouse supported a working spouse, for example. In retirement, the roles may change and the relationship might have to be renegotiated.

Of particular impact, of course, is a change in the state of your or your partner's health. When you cannot keep up physically with your spouse, or vice-versa, or worse, when you are no longer able to take care of yourself, adjustments in life style and living arrangements are required.